helloooooooooo!
another tiring and long day today, but i don't mind. today may be tiring but it's fun af!
asdfghjjdhfgrbm so so so so happy. cannot be happier than this.
hey you know what, i've got my first client! say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
it's kinda hard to believe, i know. i still can't even believe that she was really asking me to do her pre-wedding sesh. omf. so this woman is my senior in college and she's getting married next year :')
and then she came one day, asking me to shoot his pre-wedding. aaaand there we were.
i also can't believe that it's my first paid photo sesh! yaaasss! it's not about the money, tho.
so, here's the thing. i'm a big fat ass non-believer of myself. an online quiz said that i have inferiority complex and i gotta admit it's true. sigh. "i can't" is what i repeatedly say to myself most of the time. other times, i'll say "you're so effin stupid" "you're worthless" "you can't do anything right" "you're a big loser" "go fcuk yourself, you're up to no good" while i curl up in the corner and cry.
my life has been pretty miserable, actually. but then i realize it's me, who makes my life seems miserable. i have never believed in myself. and i still don't. i discourage myself. i underrate myself. i effin hate myself.
meanwhile, i'm surrounded by people who dearly love me and never get tired of encouraging me. they believe in me and they always say that i can when i keep saying that i cannot.
one thing for sure, i know that there's one good thing i'm good at: nothing.
i've always thought that everyone is far better than me. and i still do (and in fact, they are better than me).
i always have a hard time believing in everyone who likes my works. yes, i hate myself that much.
due to the self-hatred i have within me, getting paid for something i've done is something i can be proud of. it's not about how much money i make, it's about finding a person who believes in me. she believes that i can do my work and she believes that those photos are good enough to be paid. (although, until i'm writing this post, i still can't believe that she deserves those. she deserves better pre-wedding photos)
anywaaaaaaay, me and yui desperately wanna have our own photography business. we're gonna start small and we're gonna do photoshoots voluntarily which means we're gonna be happy enough to photograph YOU (whoever reads this) for FREE (unless you wanna do a pre-wedding then we possibly need a very small amount of money for a whole day photo sesh). we still doubt ourselves, tho. or it's me who don't believe in myself. but if we don't try, we'll never know what we'll get right? we don't wanna be zombies. we wanna do what we love. and we don't mind getting paid for doing things we love :)
since there are TOO MANY young photographers out there (and they're MUCH MUCH BETTER than me, that should go without saying), i'm not sure if we're ever gonna get a person who believes us.
but, this one person changes our minds. or my mind. she, somehow, makes us believe that we're good enough (despite my very basic and inexpensive photography gears).
we're gonna start our small business. lads and lasses, i proudly pronounce you WILL&FRANK is now officially open for business :)
we may not the best photographer/makeup artist out there, but we (try to) believe that we can. we may start from the bottom but hey, it's not impossible to see you guys at the top right? :')
